Saturday, February 21, 2015

Chemo is kicking my trash- so I'm fighting back!

Snuggled under a blanket with Kiery listening to Michael Buble.  I've spent most of the past two days this way.  It may not look like it, but this is me fighting.  Chemo sucks.  Period.  I sleep 14 hours a day and that doesn't seem enough (poor Ben!).  When I'm up, my head is foggy, my stomach is nauseous and my body tingles all over from the chemo attacking my nervous system.  I thought I'd feel better by now, it's been three days since the infusion after all, but I don't.  I'm at that point of breaking down.  I don't want to do this anymore and I have so long still to go.  Letting it overwhelm me would be easy.

I've learned its okay to cry.  It's okay to admit I'm weak, because that in itself is a strength.  But I'm also going to fight back.  I'm going to see that there's a purpose in my suffering, even if its only to entertain my clouded brain for a while, but maybe, I can help someone else in sharing my story.

It may be cheesy, but I made this graphic of one of my favorite quotes from Henry Ford to help lift my spirits today and maybe it will lift others as well.  I determined I would do my best to work out six days a week even while recovering from the chemo.  While on the treadmill, these words keep running through my mind, "I think I can, and I'm right."  It would have been easy to say, "I'm too weak.  I'm too sick.  This hurts too much.  It's too hard."  And I would have been right.  I wouldn't have done it.  But I told myself another story.  "I am strong.  I can do this."  And so I did.  Watch the stories you tell yourself.  If you don't like the plot, change it.

Sending love, health and happiness your way.

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