February, 26, 2015
I am so filled with peace and a motivation to change that I cannot sleep despite the nausea and effects of the chemotherapy. Today is the first day of the rest of my life. It is a precious gift and I’m not going to waste it. Yesterday, I held the hand of my dying friend, Mary. The Spirit and a deep sense of love and peace was so strong, you could literally feel it vibrating in the air. Holding her hand and feeling that love, acceptance and eternity of her soul was one of the most beautiful moments of my life. Mary is a magnificent soul. She has lived a life of trial and hardship, but she has lived it with faith, diligence and charity.
It struck me so deeply of the beauty of a well-lived life. Here was a woman who was not afraid to face death, who was not plagued with regret over her standing before her eternal Creator. Her complete serenity has inspired me. It has caused me to ask, “How do I want to feel on my death bed? What do I want to leave behind? How do I want to feel as I know I soon will return to my God and Savior?” I am determining now, in this very moment to live so I too may have that peace. So that I too will know my Savior as my redeemer and friend and have a clear conscience before him. So that I will look back on my life and see the pure love that I had for my husband, my children and my brothers and sisters here on this earth.
Death can be beautiful and witnessing the end of a mortal life carries a very valuable opportunity for us. It gives us the chance to remember that we are not immortal. We too will someday find ourselves there. It’s a guarantee. It gives us the chance to reflect upon our own lives, our own standing before our Eternal Father. It gives us the ability to recognize the incredible gift of a new day, another chance to breathe, to change and become, to start over and move forward. And that is what I am going to do. Today and every day. I will not procrastinate becoming the person I want to be, the person I know will be able to look up into my Savior’s face, clean, perfected and holy. I will be that person today.