The Perfect Gift

February, 26, 2015

I am so filled with peace and a motivation to change that I cannot sleep despite the nausea and effects of the chemotherapy.  Today is the first day of the rest of my life.  It is a precious gift and I’m not going to waste it.  Yesterday, I held the hand of my dying friend, Mary.  The Spirit and a deep sense of love and peace was so strong, you could literally feel it vibrating in the air.  Holding her hand and feeling that love, acceptance and eternity of her soul was one of the most beautiful moments of my life.  Mary is a magnificent soul.  She has lived a life of trial and hardship, but she has lived it with faith, diligence and charity.

It struck me so deeply of the beauty of a well-lived life.  Here was a woman who was not afraid to face death, who was not plagued with regret over her standing before her eternal Creator.  Her complete serenity has inspired me.  It has caused me to ask, “How do I want to feel on my death bed?  What do I want to leave behind?  How do I want to feel as I know I soon will return to my God and Savior?”  I am determining now, in this very moment to live so I too may have that peace.  So that I too will know my Savior as my redeemer and friend and have a clear conscience before him.  So that I will look back on my life and see the pure love that I had for my husband, my children and my brothers and sisters here on this earth.

Death can be beautiful and witnessing the end of a mortal life carries a very valuable opportunity for us.  It gives us the chance to remember that we are not immortal.  We too will someday find ourselves there.  It’s a guarantee.  It gives us the chance to reflect upon our own lives, our own standing before our Eternal Father.  It gives us the ability to recognize the incredible gift of a new day, another chance to breathe, to change and become, to start over and move forward.  And that is what I am going to do.  Today and every day.  I will not procrastinate becoming the person I want to be, the person I know will be able to look up into my Savior’s face, clean, perfected and holy.  I will be that person today.

Chemo is kicking my trash- so I'm fighting back!

Snuggled under a blanket with Kiery listening to Michael Buble.  I've spent most of the past two days this way.  It may not look like it, but this is me fighting.  Chemo sucks.  Period.  I sleep 14 hours a day and that doesn't seem enough (poor Ben!).  When I'm up, my head is foggy, my stomach is nauseous and my body tingles all over from the chemo attacking my nervous system.  I thought I'd feel better by now, it's been three days since the infusion after all, but I don't.  I'm at that point of breaking down.  I don't want to do this anymore and I have so long still to go.  Letting it overwhelm me would be easy.

I've learned its okay to cry.  It's okay to admit I'm weak, because that in itself is a strength.  But I'm also going to fight back.  I'm going to see that there's a purpose in my suffering, even if its only to entertain my clouded brain for a while, but maybe, I can help someone else in sharing my story.

It may be cheesy, but I made this graphic of one of my favorite quotes from Henry Ford to help lift my spirits today and maybe it will lift others as well.  I determined I would do my best to work out six days a week even while recovering from the chemo.  While on the treadmill, these words keep running through my mind, "I think I can, and I'm right."  It would have been easy to say, "I'm too weak.  I'm too sick.  This hurts too much.  It's too hard."  And I would have been right.  I wouldn't have done it.  But I told myself another story.  "I am strong.  I can do this."  And so I did.  Watch the stories you tell yourself.  If you don't like the plot, change it.

Sending love, health and happiness your way.

Support Breast Cancer Research and Awareness!

I'm donating 20% of all my book sales from my Special Edition box set to raise money for cancer research and awareness, so if you'd like to help this cause, pick up a copy on Amazon today.

This Special Edition Box Set contains four of Heather Choate's gripping novels including Swab, Frayed Crossing ,Blackwing Angel, and Fall for You .  20% of all profits from this box set will be donated to UC Foundation Young Women's Breast Cancer Research in an effort to raise awareness about breast cancer in young women and provide support for those currently in the fight.  Enjoy the amazing novels and thank you for supporting the fight against breast cancer!

Here's a quick description of SWAB:

SWAB (A Young Adult Sci-fi Novel)

“I love Ray, but if he’s still human, he’ll put a knife in my chest.”

Seventeen year old Cat has become a scarb— a mutated human whose instincts are now to kill any living human on sight.  She awakens from her “New Birth” to find herself trapped inside a scarb colony ruled by a vicious queen who is intent on using Cat’s abilities as a bearer to raise up an army that will crush any remaining humans.  But Cat sill remembers what it is like to be human.  She desperately clings to the love she has for Ray, who escaped from the colony before Cat could know if he turned scarb, or remained human.  She must decide if she’s willing to risk her life, and the lives of those she loves, to challenge the queen and pursue a man who could kill her now that she’s become everything he hates.

Swab delivers equal parts suspense and romance, delving into the clash between survival and morality set in a future with jarring parallels to our present.  Perfect for fans of  The Hunger Games and Divergent, Swab is the gripping story of a fresh dystopian world that explores the power of choice over destiny and the decision to love despite differences.

Check Out What Others Are Saying about Heather Choate's books...

“I am so glad to have read this book. I read a lot and it’s not every day that I come across a book with a unique plot line. This book really had my interest and I could hardly put it down. This action packed book follows Cat’s journey in retaliation against the scarb, who have tragically taken everything from her. I kept trying to predict what was going to happen but this plotline kept me guessing.

I was delighted that this book not only contains thrilling adventures but at its core is a beautiful romance. What impressed me was the way that the characters came alive. I felt like I was right there with Cat battling the scarb. Beyond the action in this book there are also some important lessons that the reader can learn from. Perhaps most interesting to me was the theme of one’s sense of self and their inner strength. I can’t wait for the sequel!” —Louisana

“A great novel. Heather Choate weaves a sci-fi tale that you will get lost in. She transports you to a new world with the descriptive language. Characters become friends, you root for the society she's created and can't put it down for one second. Everything you want as a reader, Heather Choate delivers. Loved it and can't wait for more from this author” — Jason Clark

“Heather has masterfully and skillfully weaved the imagery of an entirely new kind of world, rich with entrancing and vivid details and an awesome plot. Every time a chapter ends, I absolutely had to find out what happens next. With just the right mixture of emotional drama, action, and a story that sucks you in with every change of scene, I am beyond anxious and excited to find out how the sequel turns out. If someone makes a movie out of this, I will be at the theater hours before the box office opens to get the best seat. If you liked Hunger Games, Harry Potter or the Mortal Instruments series, this is just as unique, exciting, and original if not more!” — Thepulsiphyer

Again, if you'd like to help support breast cancer research and awareness, pick up a copy on Amazon today.